I am fortunate enough to see a fabulous endocrinologist. She is the ideal doctor. I know this because I have seen many doctors in four different states over the last 20 years, I have been blessed and been challenged and after the birth of my second miracle I knew I had to find the perfect doctor to see me through the next phase of my chronic illness. She is so ideal, so educated, so perfect that everyone wants to see her and therefore I only see her every 5-6 months (most diabetic check-ups are every 3 months, so I see the CNP in between visits.) Monday was the day! My appointment with Dr. Amazing! After six months at the gym, leveled out meds for my thyroid and depression, better eating habits and more blood sugar checks, I was excited to see if my hard work had paid off! My A1C dropped .5 points which is good, but not great, not what I had hoped, less than what I expected. Everything else (eyes, kidneys, thyroid, pump sites, fingers, toes) looks fine. Everything is still what I have to work at every single day.
Dr. Amazing and I discussed the changes I had made, adjusted my pump settings, set some goals, etc. She was explaining how diet and exercise does no good for weight loss if it is not backed up with the right amount of sleep and too much stress. Well, great. Isn’t that fabulous? I have been at the gym three times a week for the past six months and have not seen enough changes because of sleep and stress? Seriously! And let’s remember, I am one blessed gal. Should not be stressed about anything. I will work more on that today.
I spent the rest of Monday trying to rationalize everything and come up with a plan. It is simple, or so it sounds. Check my blood sugar more, reduce stress, get enough sleep. Doesn’t everyone do that??? So, 2am comes along and I get up to check my blood sugar and it is 54. Time for a snack, another blood sugar check and my normal one hour to get back to sleep. Here the vicious cycle continues! Trying to perfect the blood sugars….blood sugar goes low…..lack of sleep…..causes more stress…….no weight lost…..more stress….higher blood sugars….less motivation to constantly do the right thing…..Only I can break the cycle. Only I can have a more positive attitude with each high or low blood sugar, with each pump problem, with each time my 3-year-old throws a fit as we are getting to the gym. Only I can choose to put back on the Continuous Glucose Monitor and be annoyed by beeps and a zillion blood sugar checks to lower my A1C. Only I can check my blood sugar, change my pump, eat the right thing, exercise enough, pray enough, be grateful for research and changes and medical advances. Only I can hold onto hope while behaving as if this is how it will be. For the rest of my life.
Monday was National Diabetes Awareness Day. As I sat in the waiting room for Dr. Amazing surrounded by unhealthy and grumpy people (seriously depressing), I imagined what it would be like to begin my appointment with her saying “Mendy! Good news! There is a cure! Leave your pump and glucometer and stress at the door and begin your new life!” I can see this so clearly. One day….