The more honest I am, the less response I receive to my blog posts. Not sure if anyone besides my dear friend is reading, but, that is ok. I do not have time to be “ok” with this chronic illness anymore and I certianly do not have the time and energy to sugar coat it. No pun intended. So, if you are brave, read on.
I am tired. No, I am worn out. I am exhausted. Being a good wife, good Mom, good sister, being a good volunteer a couple hours a week, being a good friend, being good at the things I want to do keeps me going. Everyday, I must be a good diabetic, and this is exhausting. Thinking about it, planning for it, making it all work, every single day, for over 20 years has worn me down to being honest and sometimes grumpy, yet still believing in a cure, hoping for an easier day to come.
Ben had a complete meltdown today at Old Navy. If you were there, I am sorry. After ten minutes of trying to make it work, I grabbed several shirts for family pictures (the only reason I would take them both shopping…deadline of family photo session) and made our way to the front check out. As I continued to wrestle with Ben and pay, he pulled my “Life is Good” cosmetic case from my purse and unzipped it in a fury sending all of my diabetic supplies flying. All over the check out area. There the three Old Navy employees and four other customers all stood in awe. Batteries (for my pump), an insulin bottle, lancets, two syrenges, a small bag of skittles, a granola bar, a kleenex, my glucometer and a bottle of testing strips all went flying. If I hadn’t been so exhausted I would have sat down and cried. Within seconds my sweet Zach says “I can help, Mama” and the two of us began gathering my livelihood from the floor and counter, while everyone else watched.
We gathered the most expensive items and I am still not sure what was left behind. My blood sugar was dropping by the nano second, my three year old who had refused a nap was loosing it and we had to leave. Pride or no pride. Just one more day in my life, one more reason I am exhausted. I went into the shopping experience with a perfect blood sugar and by the time it was over I was sweating and shaking and needed a snack. Not that it was Ben’s fault, no little boy wants to help pick out clothes. It was just what the afternoon involved.
November is National Diabetes Awareness Month. A time where we get a little more press, where money is a little easier to raise. Where we can ask strangers for support of things like the artificial pancreas. Those of you who know me, know that I am not going to give you all the scientific terms and stats. I am just going to ask! And maybe beg. Today I am asking you to sign a petition to encourage the FDA to continue the research and funding for the Artificial Pancreas! I read a blog earlier today reminding her readers that 1 in 20 Type One Diabetics die of low blood sugar. Pretty frigthening considering the fact that it was just in the last two years I know more than 20 other diabetics. My chances of being the 1 in 20 is too real, too scary. Especially when I have a day like today where my low blood sugar goes public and my diabetic supplies end up all over the front counter of Old Navy. And I am reminded that I am Ben and Zach’s Mama and cannot leave that job to anyone else. That I have to eat right and prick my fingers and exercise and keep my pump working so that I can deal with their meltodwns and watch them grow and love them til I am old and gray.
1 in 20. The honest, grumpy truth. I would appreciate it from the bottom of my heart if you would take 45 seconds (I timed it, that is all it takes to read what JDRF has to say and type your name) Click here to sign JDRF’s Artificial Pancreas Petition and know that I am grateful. Me and at least 20 others who are counting on this artificial pancreas and the hope that the complications of Type One Diabetes won’t take us too soon.